The Girl with Seasonal Depression
I am hesitant to write about this, mostly because I am still working on getting to the point of recognizing mental health and talking about it. If you knew me, You would know I would openly and compassionately listen and conversate with people who struggle with mental illness, but I would never in a million years talk about mine, certainly not openly write about it for everyone to hear. Which is why I am here, to share, to grow, and maybe even help someone else.
So, I guess it is a million years later because here we are. So hang with me as I work through this and try to articulate.
My Story
My name is Claire, I struggle with seasonal depression, and it SUCKS. There is this constant pressure on my chest, and it leaves me with absolutely no desire to do anything. My appetite for everything in a day is just gone. Like a breath that is eternally exhaled.
My 23rd birthday was yesterday and I much as I would love to enjoy my birthday and feel like it is worth celebrating, I can never seem to have a good time because of the depression I feel. This year was no exception.
I got a massage and when I was done, I decided to go get my “free birthday Starbucks.” After receiving my brown sugar oat milk shaken expresso, I walked around Target and was exhausted. I found myself wishing there was a bench or someplace I could sit down just to figure out what I could do to salvage my day. After recognizing there were no good options, I ventured out in the -11 weather to go to sit in my Jeep. The thought of being defeated and not being able to treat me on my own birthday was upsetting. I just didn’t know what to do!
While I sat in my car debating on starting it, Alex called me and I realized that was a big “pick-me-up.” He gave me the boost I needed to make a couple more stops and just stay out of the apartment for a while. There are also incredible people in my life who left me wonderful voicemails.
Thankfully, a great friend came over in the evening and shared a glass of wine and dinner with me. So I have to hand it to everyone in my life who poured love on me and supported me. That birthday love genuinely meant the world to me.
So…now that I have shared a bit of my story. There are some things that might be able to help you or someone you know who faces seasonal depression, or depression in general.
Living with Seasonal Depression
Meet Yourself Where you are
it is important to celebrate the little wins, and recognize that you are enough. Did you drink a good amount of water? A WIN! Did you go to work today? A WIN! Did you empty the dishwasher? A WIN! Did you Brush your teeth? A WIN!
Put your phone away
This one can be hard. I noticed myself going on social media to distract me from how I was feeling. It is hard to pull yourself out, but when you do, you pull the attention back on yourself and your needs. When feeling depressed, it is important to love yourself extra, and sometimes that means just being present with yourself.
Take Breaks
Everything feels much harder with depression, so it is important to take breaks and celebrate your wins. One mini battle at a time. One task or goal at a time. “1. Take a shower, 2. Eat dinner, 3. I guess I only have two things and that is enough.”
Go at Your Own Pace
Be patient with yourself, give yourself grace. Love yourself like you would love a child. Care for yourself like you would your own child. You deserve love, so slow down and listen to your heart and your needs. Depression is heavy and hard enough without the weight of your own expectations weighing you down too.
Care for Yourself
This can be harder said than done because sometimes we might not know exactly what we need or what we are feeling. Part of “caring for yourself” is giving yourself the grace, patience, and space needed to discover what those things are. Take some steps back, take some deep breaths, and listen to your inner self.
Remove Expectations
sometimes, I can get really hard on myself for not doing everything that I would like in a day. On days when feeling down, slow, and depressed, work on distancing yourself and protecting yourself from those expectations. Recognize what you are feeling, and experiencing and know that you might not be able to do everything you would normally be able to achieve under normal circumstances.
Things that Help (a little bit, for me at least)
Phone Calls with Loved Ones
Happy light
Vitamin D
Cake and Pasta
Comfort Shows
Water
Thank you for letting me open up, I am working on becoming a more open and authentic person. If you or someone you love is struggling with depression of any kind. Please be patient, be kind, and let them (or yourself) know how important they are to you.
The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Number is 988